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Rikos

Monday's Jokes

4 posts in this topic

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of

corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.

"Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in

with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."

"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think

Pa would like me to."

"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't

like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better

now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way,

where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

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A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.

As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.

The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, "You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman."

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A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".

"I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

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Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a !Removed!."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a !Removed!?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a !Removed!."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a !Removed!."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a !Removed!."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a !Removed!."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A !Removed!!!!"

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