Rikos Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? . . . . . A: Made her chain too long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikos Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. 'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says. 'That''s cool.' says Bobby. Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.' Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, 'Whaaaat?' 'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue''s father, 'Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!' Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!' About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikos Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikos Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 Way to keep healthy level of insanity in the workplace 1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) 2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.) 3. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive." 4. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle. 5. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that. 6. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN." 7. Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many." 8. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." 10. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 11. When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up." 12. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think?" 13. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a Parakeet. 14. Sit in the parking lot at lunchtime pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 15. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinnyvangough Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Another load of brilliant jokes Riko's. Keep it up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikos Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 I shall do my best ...... just hope i dont have to resort to knock knock jokes eventually Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret_Stig Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 What do u get when you see secret stig melting choc? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikos Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 What do u get when you see secret stig melting choc? A big smile as i'd be sat looking at the secret stig :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinnyvangough Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 CHOCOLATE WILLIES Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret_Stig Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Woo lol vinny gets it the choc is everywhere just letting them set now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinnyvangough Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 I thought you'd like it when willies go hard. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret_Stig Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Thats while i'm letting them set nowe and they'll be lovely and hard for me when i get home after work thn ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinnyvangough Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Thats gotta be your wost comment yet. Can you imagine whats going through Rikos's mind now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret_Stig Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 I didnt mean anyhting by it lol honest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikos Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 It's a good job i'm a priest or i'd be having terrible thoughts now............. o hang on a minute i'm not a priest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinnyvangough Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 PMSL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret_Stig Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 terrible thoughts or naughty? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikos Posted September 19, 2008 Author Share Posted September 19, 2008 Your a bad influence on me secret stig! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret_Stig Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Oh i am sorry do you want me to be quiet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikos Posted September 20, 2008 Author Share Posted September 20, 2008 Oh i am sorry do you want me to be quiet? No i prefer you making noise :P O god i was a nice man before i joined here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret_Stig Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 I see this gettin a bit bad so i will quieten down lol x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rikos Posted September 20, 2008 Author Share Posted September 20, 2008 I see this gettin a bit bad so i will quieten down lol x Probably a good decision lets keep it from getting x rated shall we! Anyway........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret_Stig Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 yes anyway......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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