Wednesday Jokes

[Rikos]

A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an

unfortunate incident occurred.

Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet

for the morning's relief, and neglected to notice that the seat was up.

When she sat, she kept going!

She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed

into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in

front of her.

She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour tried

desperately to extricate her.

In this process they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her

naked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominently

visible between her splayed legs.

Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber,

despite the embarrassing nature of their problem.

When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were

walking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife was

exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way.

Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber and placed the first thing he

could think of, his yarmulke skull cap, over his wife's exposed

privates.

The plumber walked into the bathroom, took one long look, and commented:

"Well, I think I can save your wife, buddy, but the Rabbi's a goner."

[Rikos]

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were

in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic,

the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the

captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party.

Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were

repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels

sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm

as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was

on, however, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding

parties,although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting

the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked,

"Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give,

exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the

wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid."

The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn

came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships,

10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent

and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The

Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

[Rikos]

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.