Just so you know, according to some fist that nearly crashed into me this evening, the above is perfectly true!
Going up a hill, we saw police cars, fire engines and traffic wombles flying up a dual carriageway. Now, moments before this I had a fist in a Citroen Picasso (newest shape) was flashing me out of the way so he could try and overtake, when all traffic on the motorway was at 55-60 in the outside lane. Then, when he got a chance, he decided that he would get much further by dangerously overtaking and then swinging in front of me (wouldnt have had a chance if I was in my own car, but as I was in the 'rental' from Ford...). Anyways, he got slown down to a crawl in the traffic.
By this point, no traffic announcements, no notice of whats going on just police, fire, and traffic wombles going by. I thought it must have been a bad accident to need 5 police cars... So I plod up the hill, first gear, 5mph. We get about a mile after about 20-30 minutes, and came in line with a slip road. There was a van and a car waiting to pull out, so I left them sufficient room, but not too much. All of a sudden, some pratt (another Citroen Driver (DS3?) came across me at about 75-80 degree angle, narrowly missing my front end! (again would have done it if I was in my car, but since I am driving a fiesta...). So I proceed to blur the horn at him!
He was blatantly driving like a fist, and decided to get out and start mouthing off at me. So I thought I would impart some of his wisdom onto you all.
1) Apparently its acceptable to cut people up at that angle "your not going anywhere anyway, so what are you whinging at" - so the moral is, you can drive like a douche if the traffic isn't moving.
2) My Passenger saw that he was driving quickly up to this point, saw he was there and was about to swing out, - Apparently, my passenger should now be my navigator and should advise me of such hazardous fists driving. And its all my fault because she didn't tell me... Moral of the story, everyone in the car should be the driver.
3) Apparently he was perfectly acceptable to be driving in this manner, cutting people up, swinging out across lanes into further oncoming traffic because he "knew that they would stop" - Moral of the story, everyone has the best reactions ever and no one ever has an accident (so if you have had an accident, then your clearly are from another planet, whereby you are clearly not superhuman, have superhuman powers, ability to read fist's minds, or belong in society).
4) Apparently because I was driving a small car, it was easy for me to stop, and therefore I shouldnt have a problem! Yes, that's right, the size of my vehicle is a direct contributing factor to why I should bow down and drop trou' to some middle to late aged balding pratt, who thinks that the road is his. Moral of the story, drive an 18 wheeler everywhere because apparently if you dont, you bow down to everyone.
Unfortunately the Fiesta I was driving wouldnt allow me to put the windows up whilst he was leaning on them (they have some stupid safety feature which stops you closing someones hand in a window? shame, as I hoped that it would have been part of an education to him!). But to get out, on a busy dual carriageway that was already bad enough, block a lane and a half, mouth off about how he is perfectly right to drive like the end of a bell, and I should just accept it...
I gave him a few choice words, some F's and some C's (I will leave those to your imagination), but apparently he is not bothered, that someone up the road may have already had a serious accident, someone may be laying in a smashed vehicle with firefighters desperately cutting them out of their car to save their lives, because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Apparently driving dangerously would be of no concern to the police, because, well, he wasnt driving dangerously...
Thankfully, the accident was in fact a burning petrol tanker (shame it didnt go kaboom as he was passing it?) and he (and the other fist in the other citroen) got merrily on there way. So I thought I would share with all of you this wisdom, according to douchebags who cant drive. I believe you could all learn something valuable from this and hope that you all listen to every word of his wisdom, and drive the way that the law did not intend you to do so, ignoring the highway code, and safe driving practices and just driving however you like. As long as the traffic is moving slowly, you look like a stereotypical Jesus, wearing Chav clothes, with grey hair and seemingly having the idea in your head that you are infact better than, or might in fact be, God on earth.
Rant over. I look forward to your replies