I understand your frustration but its a process of elimination and the throttle body is the likely suspect.
As for the ecu connector, you have to drill out the security bolt. It is fitted with a bolt who's head detaches when it is tightened.
Use a stack of washers or something that will fit in the end of the bolt hole and guide a drill bit to drill the centre of the bolt.
Do you have the wiring diagrams and pinouts for the connector(s) ?