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Member Since 14 Oct 2009
Offline Last Active Oct 15 2014 03:36 PM
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Topics I've Started

Joke Thread

12 September 2014 - 06:32 PM

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River Thames
 
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We're the same age, and we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

 

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the river near the car park by Westminster.'

'Same here. Hmm.....How do you catch them?' said the big Croc.

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus, BMW or Mercedes cars and wait for one to unlock the car door.

 

Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the !Removed! out of them and eat 'em!'


'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment.
 

See, by the time you finish shaking the !Removed! out of a


Politician, there's nothing left but an a###hole and a briefcase!!.


Whats Your Barmy Health And Safety Experience? If Any.

01 September 2014 - 06:05 PM

So there I am circa 20 miles from home last week and about 10 ltrs left in the tank, and knowing our local Tesco and Morrisons have an unofficial  "cartel" going in regards to petrol pricing.

 

I say that because motorists in our town pay circa 4 pence a litre more for their petrol at Morrisons, than Morrisions customers pay 10 miles up the road at their next nearest store. And the simple reason is our town has not got a Sainsburys, and the town 10 miles up the road has, along with a Morrisons. Meaning I don't buy Morrisons petrol on principle................why oh why don't Aldi sell petrol.

 

Actually that observation in it's self merits its own thread, anybody care to start one?

 

So I tip up at Harrogate Sainsburys petrol forcourt, 125.9p per litre and busy as hell, tail backs at all the pumps. Eventually, waiting patiently in the queue pays off and when the guy in front of me fills up and moves off, and I pull up to the pump I see that the pump in front of me [pump 5] 10 in all, is not in use. Theres a big ole Motor Way Cone blocking the pump, so I am stood there in the process of brimming my tank thinking to myself .........Stuff you Morrisons.

 

Anyways my mind wanders back to observing THE CONE it's positioned inches away from a scattering of dried sand covering an area of say 30cm in diameter, to a depth of ....well try and imagine two grains of sand stacked one on top of the other and there you have it. Said sand is positioned where the petrol filler cap would be in relation to the petrol pump it's self.

 

So the old brain immediately comes to the conclusion its not an oil spillage, wrong position geographicly, not enough sand covering it. Bingo ! It's a petrol spillage.. in't Brains Brilliant!

 

Anyhow heading to the shop to pay, I gives the sand a squish with my foot. And as I suspected the concrete was bone dry, the sand had absorbed the petrol, and the ambient temperature had dried the sand. Crisis over, stand Harrogate General Hospital down from it's Code Red Alert. So I moved the cone with one hand and swung it onto the raise base next to the pump, thinking that would ease the conjestion at the pumps a little

 

How wrong was I, my actions had triggered a Code Red at the Tills! One minute there were two adolescent till operatives, seconds later I'm in the shop getting visually identified with an accusatory finger by the one remaining seated adolescent shouting "thats him" as the second is making a dash for the "Tazzer Cupboard"   Anyhow it turns out I was mistaken, Sainsburys dont have a "Tazzer Cupboard" he was making for the exit of the secured till area.

 

Hes bearing down on me, eyes wide open like an adolescent possessed. Staight away I'm into descelation mode, hands held slightly forward palms open,indicating I'm not armed, I come in peace.

 

It's OK I said the concrete is dry there is no hazard hence I removed the cone. He screams back....

THE SAND, THE SANDS THE HAZARD! And he's gone like an Exocet Missile bearing down on it's target.

 

I'm confering with the queue.....well I've heard of some daft interpitations as to what constitues a hazard, but that beats the lot....... yer like somebodys going to trip over 1mm high sand, followed by impersonation of same. Lady in front of me is killing her self laughing, the snitch who fingered me is saying [in a condecending tone]... just let us get on with our job sir, well two can play at that game.

 

Get on with your job I says, I take it this is your first, well at some point in your career you are going to have to employ a bit of commonsense, but obviously that time appears to be sometime well into the future.

 

Well now that I'm in another queue [sadly of my own making] I'm observing the antics of the adolescent Red Adair Because a guy parked up behind my car seeing I had removed the cone, had swung around my car at pump 6, pulled forward so he could align his car parallel with the pump and reversed into position.

 

But sadly he was to late at getting out of his car and grabing the knozzle. Red is on his case, he's in front of the guys car 20cm off his front bumper flapping his arms about waving the guy back. Obviously Red reckons the guys got a steering back axle, which he has'nt. ........

 

Anyway I'm at the till, I pay and I'm gone, I'm out the door, Reds nowhere to be seen, the guy in the car has gone The Cone is back in situ warning of the hazardous sand. I give it a cursary scatter as I pass, I can feel the eyes burning into my back. I gets in the car, belts up and asked the wife what happened to the guy who pulled up to pump 5. She said he eventually wound his window down, shouted something to Red, he stepped back and to the side, and the guy just drove off........last seen heading for Asda self serve I presume..............I'll maybe give them a try next time I'm passing.


Dash Cams, Catch The Idiots Thread

26 August 2014 - 10:26 PM

If you slow these videos down at the near point of contact you see how close they are. Bare in mind that braking for the idiots you see stops collisions happening.

 

Contact Jeebowhite for the details for "anonymouse video loading" to Youtube's Wall of Shame

 

Heres two short videos to kick this thread off.

 

https://www.youtube....eature=youtu.be

 

 

https://www.youtube....eature=youtu.be


Dash Cam Dangerous Driving Clips, Should You Be Able To Up Load Evidence To The Police

20 August 2014 - 11:22 AM

or does catching dangerous drivers only matter after the event when they have already killed or maimed fellow road users....and that includes pedestrians.

 

The question is:

 

Is it better to have Proactive Policing in regard to dangerous drivers, or Reactive "after the event" Policing.

 

This is not a dig at the Police on the front line, Policing stratergy is determined by Chief Constables.

 

You see people using the phone, texting, entering zebra crossing whilst pedestrians are in the middle of crossing, doing all manner of dangerous things, why do they take the risk?

 

Simple answer is, the chances of being caught are minimal. Now if the powers that be harnessed the collective evidence captured on dash cams every day .... just imagine

 

They reckon dash cams will be the must have motoring gadget of 2014, sales are up 28% on last year I believe.

 

Only been doing camera positioning test drives lasting no more than 15 minutes tops per test drive around town and on the local bypass.

 

Day 2 white van man pulled out of side road narrowly missing my front end, had plenty of time to see me. Was laughing  as he crossed my path giving me the V sign as he drew level with my drivers window. Van was already missing it's off side wing mirror cover....do you wonder.

 

Day 5 setting up the one camera I currently have on a home made bracket covering the rear view this time. Was nearly tail swipped by an obviously inexperianced young driver  as he made a hasty right turn onto a main road in the face of oncoming traffic. He was inches off hitting my offside rear which would have spun my front end into oncoming traffic. Which was an SUV who at the time was braking to avoid said idiot coming out of the side road immediately in front of him.

 

Incidently I would not have know how close I had come to being tail swiped and then spun into either a head on crash  or front passenger side impact with the oncoming SUV. The seat where my wife would normally have been sitting, if it was not for the fact I actually reviewed the video footage in regard to check camera position.

 

Yesterday early evening whilst doing a test run on a new front bracket [ for positing purposes] I saw two small hatch backs [obviously together] doing U TURNS on a Pelican Crossing  [lights were on green] but to actually do U TURNS!

 

I dont think I caught that incident because I was further back up the road positioned to do a right turn at a Y junction. Oh hang on I actually had to wait to do the turn as those two idiots came back up the road and made a left turn into the road I was waiting to enter. That said I wont have caught the U Turns on my camera.

 

As the White van man cut across me I did not have a clear video view of his registration, now if I had had my rear view camera in place I would have had an excellent view of his reg.

 

Now a "cough" freind of mine went on line and came back with a Rover  25, or possibly a Nissan Micra S or a Merc C class, funny that as it was a small white Pug I reckon, with a roof rack.

 

Comments welcome.


Tailgaters! What Can Be Legally Used To Dissuade The Morons ? Discuss

03 August 2014 - 07:57 PM

As the title suggests, tailgaters really wind me up, anybody else hate them with a vengeance like me?

Does anybody fancy designing  an illuminated sign actuated by an ultrasonic type sensor [as used in rear parking aids]

 

Works a bit like this, it sensors the car is not in a reverse gear yet picks up an incoming TGT [short for Tailgating ...........] is right up your rear. It then triggers the rear screen message ..............

 

GET BACK YOU TAILGATING TWerp........................