Coronavirus-A Light Hearted Thread

[Turvey]

I don't know about anyone else but I'm getting fed up of all sides of the press scaremongering about this.

Yes, we need to wash our hands properly.

Yes, we need to stop picking noses, licking fingers etc etc

 

So to counter this there are some cracking memes etc circulating social media 😃

[Stoney871]

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[Jonro2009]

I have far too many of these!

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[iantt]

 

UK Virus ALERT

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A ***** Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “***** Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “***** Off” to “Let's Get the *****.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

The Russians have said “Its not us”

[The Finance Guy]

I went in to Starbucks today and the Barista was wearing a face mask. 
 

“Why are you wearing a surgical mask?” I asked her. 
 

she replied

”it’s not a surgical mask, it’s a Coughy Filter”

[Stoney871]

 
UK Virus ALERT
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”
The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A ***** Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “***** Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “***** Off” to “Let's Get the *****.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
The Russians have said “Its not us”

[emoji1787]

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[Jim H]

2 hours ago, The Finance Guy said:

I went in to Starbucks today and the Barista was wearing a face mask. 
 

“Why are you wearing a surgical mask?” I asked her. 
 

she replied

”it’s not a surgical mask, it’s a Coughy Filter”

In IT, they tried:

 

[Turvey]

One for the dog owners 😃

[Milkman]

I believe it was given to the Chinese by Trump in the hope that they would pass it on to the North Koreans.

Reminds me of the 10 year old boy that went to see the family doctor asking if he could give him a dose of the clap, on asking the boy why he wanted the clap, he said well, I want to give it to the girl next door, she will then pass it on to my dad who will give it to mum and she will give it to the vicar, that's the ba***ard I want!

[Guy Heaton]

I heard a chief medical chap on the news just now, and he said that he reckons it's been here since December, a load of us have had it and not noticed, or just had mild symptoms that we thought it was just a cold.

I reckon he's right.

[TomsFocus]

 

It's Ford related too!  

[dtulip8]

3 minutes ago, TomsFocus said:

 

It's Ford related too!  

Well at least I have a back up plan now if I get really desperate, just need a MK3 Fiesta now!

[Turvey]

[Turvey]

[5 pot]

8 minutes ago, Turvey said:

How old are you .Thought i was the only one to remember them without the mask 

[Incontro]

[Jim H]

To solve the Loo roll crisis, I've just heard they are remaking, new stuff. The good news, it's Medicated and anti-bacterial. The bad news, it's this stuff we had at school. (ie tracing paper).

 

 

Does anyone here remember it?

[Stoney871]

To solve the Loo roll crisis, I've just heard they are remaking, new stuff. The good news, it's Medicated and anti-bacterial. The bad news, it's this stuff we had at school. (ie tracing paper).
 

 
Does anyone here remember it?

Ah yes.
More scrape than wipe. [emoji51]

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[Lenny]

Thinking about creating a playlist related to the carona virus 

 

[Milkman]

3 hours ago, Stoney871 said:

Ah yes.
More scrape than wipe.

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From what I remember it was more spread than wipe! I used to make sure that I always had a good crap before I went to school every morning, mostly because if by any slim chance there was any paper it was usually blocking the pan still on the roll! Very often the ball valve in the cisterns were tied down so they would keep running and overflow flooding out the toilet block. Another reason not to use the school toilets was that a lot of the kids had very poor coordination and aim and would often completely miss the pan in passing both liquid and solids and as for the wash basins, they to would be used, but not for hand washing, plus there was often no soap and if there was a roller towel it was either jammed up or wringing wet. I would hope and think that sanitary conditions in schools nowadays would be vastly improved from my time.

[Stoney871]

Aye, some teachers were dirty beggars [emoji16]

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[Milkman]

It wasn't the teachers, it was the school janitor, he was a lazy sod, spent most of his time asleep in his arm chair in the boiler room which was like a cave under the main building which was an old stone built Victorian purpose built school, more like a prison but without the bars and barbed wire.

[TomsFocus]

13 hours ago, Jim H said:

To solve the Loo roll crisis, I've just heard they are remaking, new stuff. The good news, it's Medicated and anti-bacterial. The bad news, it's this stuff we had at school. (ie tracing paper).

 

 

Does anyone here remember it?

Despite being sub 30, I do still remember this stuff in some public toilets when I was younger, generally historical places like castles and museums, presumably they wanted the authentic feel! 😮 

 

Have you been watching 'Back in time for the Corner Shop' on BBC2?

The young lad on there had clearly never seen this stuff (or most of the other old brands judging by his pronunciation!) but it did make me laugh that there were instructions on the back of the Izal roll which he read out!  'For cleaning the perineal area of urine after urination and other bodily fluid releases'...  Can you imagine that on the back of a pack of Charmin today!!  

 

[jace1969]

I'm protected now, just signed up for a 12 months .......Antivirus.......and it's the Total one so should cover me for Flu as well...........

[Turvey]

Meanwhile, in a Tesco in Keith ..