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Rondy
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As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led the American tourists through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely Welsh hillside where many goats were grazing.
"These", she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."
She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours to Wales."

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O'Toole volunteered to take care of his numerous children so that Mum could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O'Toole kept sending him back up.
At 10 o'clock the doorbell rang. It was the next door neighbour, Mrs. O'Brien. She asked if her son was there and O'Toole said no. Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted. "I'm here Mum, but he won't let me go home."

 

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A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."


 

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I was lucky enough to win two thousand pounds on the horses. As I left the bookies I happened to trip over a *****. 
"Sorry mate," I said. "I was so happy at winning two thousand pounds on the horses I didn't see you there."
"Two thousand pounds!!!" he said. "I've never even seen that much."
" Here," I said. "Would you like to hold it for a minute just to see how it feels?"
The ***** was over the moon with the thought that as he moved forward he suddenly turned very pale then collapsed.
A lady that was passing said. "What's up with him?"
I said: "I don't know, all I know is that he wasn't feeling too grand."

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 man walks into the Tourist Information Centre in Newquay and asks, “Excuse me, what’s the quickest way to get to Lands End?”

“Are you walking, or do you have a car?” asks the tourism advisor.

“I have a car,” replies the man.

“Good – because that’s the quickest way,” says the advisor.

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To be appointed as a football league manager Wayne Rooney had to pass a test first. Examiner: "If one and one make two, and two and two makes four, how much does four and four make?"
Rooney: "That isn’t fair, You answer the easy ones yourself and leave the hard ones for me to answer."

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A couple had not been married for long, when the husband came home one day to find that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.

Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what she had been up to and why she hadn't been home for so long.
She replied, "These four men kidnapped me and had wild s*x with me for a week."
The husband answered, "But it's only been two days what do you mean a week?"
"I am just here to get something to eat."
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An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favourite bakery.

One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.

"This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.'

"And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"

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On 7/17/2021 at 2:18 PM, Rondy said:

The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.

She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in  Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch."

The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

ok 👍

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Sam: "I’m having a lot of trouble with eczema, teacher."
Teacher: "Heavens, where do you have it?"
Sam: "I don’t have it, I just can’t spell it."

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44 minutes ago, Rondy said:

Sam: "I’m having a lot of trouble with eczema, teacher."
Teacher: "Heavens, where do you have it?"
Sam: "I don’t have it, I just can’t spell it."

😂

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So last week I took up golf. It was hard going as I'd never tried it before. I said to my caddy "Do you think I can get home from here with a four iron?"
He said: "I don't know....where do you live?"

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Three prisoners are captured in the war, and are about to be executed. They are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.
The Italian asks for Peperoni Pizza, which he is served and then taken away.
The Frenchmen requests a Filet Mignon, which he is served and also taken away.
The Jewish man requests a plate of strawberries.
The captors are surprised and reply, "STRAWBERRIES?"
"Yes, Strawberries."
"But they are out of season!"
"I'll wait..."

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The guy at the furniture store told me the sofa would seat 5 people without any problems.
Then it occurred to me. I don't know 5 people without any problems.

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