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Rondy
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After a trial had been going on for three days, Harrison, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench.

"Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."

The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.

Harrison looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."

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37 minutes ago, Rondy said:

After a trial had been going on for three days, Harrison, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench.

"Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."

The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.

Harrison looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."

๐Ÿ˜‚

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Two little boys stole a load of apples from a neighbours apple tree.
They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, they dropped two apples, but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough.
A few minutes later, a drunk, on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.
"Father, please come with me. Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery.โ€
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said: "What about the two at the gate?"
You've never seen 2 people running so fast!
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2 hours ago, Rondy said:
Two little boys stole a load of apples from a neighbours apple tree.
They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, they dropped two apples, but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough.
A few minutes later, a drunk, on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.
"Father, please come with me. Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery.โ€
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said: "What about the two at the gate?"
You've never seen 2 people running so fast!

๐Ÿ˜‚

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I don't how many of you shop at Tesco but this may be useful to know.
I am posting this to you to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at my local Tesco store and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the boot. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their ***** almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Tesco outlet. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having s*x with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts kissing you and running her hands all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, and again on Friday.

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2 hours ago, Rondy said:

I don't how many of you shop at Tesco but this may be useful to know.
I am posting this to you to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at my local Tesco store and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the boot. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their ***** almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Tesco outlet. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having s*x with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts kissing you and running her hands all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, and again on Friday.

๐Ÿ˜‚

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Two old farm hands meet up in the village pub.....

'Hello George - not seen you in here for a while'

'No I been stuck up on the farm helping with all the lambing, anything exciting happening round here?'

'Welllll........they've opened one of them there brothels in the village now'

'Gerraway! what's that all about then'

'Wellllll..... apparently when you go you can have as much as you like to drink, as much s*x as you want and when you leave they give you ยฃ200!!'

'Blimey That sounds like a good night out, have you been yet?'

'No but the wife has!'

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19 minutes ago, Rondy said:

Two old farm hands meet up in the village pub.....

'Hello George - not seen you in here for a while'

'No I been stuck up on the farm helping with all the lambing, anything exciting happening round here?'

'Welllll........they've opened one of them there brothels in the village now'

'Gerraway! what's that all about then'

'Wellllll..... apparently when you go you can have as much as you like to drink, as much s*x as you want and when you leave they give you ยฃ200!!'

'Blimey That sounds like a good night out, have you been yet?'

'No but the wife has!'

๐Ÿคฃ

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A man called up a bird store the other day and said, "Send me 30,000 cockroaches at once!"

"What in heaven's name do you want with 30,000 cockroaches?"

"Well," replied the householder, "I am moving today and my lease says I must leave the premises here in exactly the same condition in which I found them."

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2 hours ago, Rondy said:

A man called up a bird store the other day and said, "Send me 30,000 cockroaches at once!"

"What in heaven's name do you want with 30,000 cockroaches?"

"Well," replied the householder, "I am moving today and my lease says I must leave the premises here in exactly the same condition in which I found them."

๐Ÿคฃ

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Chinese proverbs

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ***** should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who ***** in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

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