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Rondy
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16 minutes ago, Rondy said:

My Alphabet

A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?


D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.


H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L 's for libido, what happened to s*x? M is for memory, I forget what comes next.. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!


P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new! Qis for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.


S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.


W for worry, now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y for another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!


I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

what's a doctorΒ πŸ™‚

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Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading for the pub ?. He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, "Sheila, put your hat and coat on, lassie".

She replied, "Ach, John, that's nice - are you taking me tae the pub with ya ?".

"Nay", John replied, "I'm switching the heat off while I'm oot".Β 

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24 minutes ago, Rondy said:

Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading for the pub ?. He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, "Sheila, put your hat and coat on, lassie".

She replied, "Ach, John, that's nice - are you taking me tae the pub with ya ?".

"Nay", John replied, "I'm switching the heat off while I'm oot".Β 

πŸ˜€

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A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, β€œI hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out Goodbye, Mum, as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mum."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his shopping.
"That comes to Β£121.85," said the assistant.
"How come so much? I only bought 3 items!"
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things too."
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20 minutes ago, Rondy said:
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, β€œI hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out Goodbye, Mum, as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mum."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his shopping.
"That comes to Β£121.85," said the assistant.
"How come so much? I only bought 3 items!"
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things too."

πŸ˜‚

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An old cowboy sat down at Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'
She said, 'I'm a *****. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a *****.'

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7 minutes ago, Rondy said:

An old cowboy sat down at Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'
She said, 'I'm a *****. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a *****.'

πŸ˜„

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A Penguin rushed into a a shop and asked the shopkeeper.

"Have you seen my brother ?".

The shopkeeper said in response,

"What does he look like ?"

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3 minutes ago, Rondy said:

A Penguin rushed into a a shop and asked the shopkeeper.

"Have you seen my brother ?".

The shopkeeper said in response,

"What does he look like ?"

πŸ˜‚

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