eddie eastwood Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 2 hours ago, eddie eastwood said: 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 2 hours ago, eddie eastwood said: 😊 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 4 hours ago, Rondy said: A man came to my door asking if I wanted to buy two armchairs and a sofa. I told him I never accept suites from strangers! ___ I bought a wig made out of bum hair but had to take it back to the shop as it keeps blowing off! ___ I got a new job at a city centre casino last week, in the poker room. It's the perfect job for me, really - you could say ideal ... ___ As I boarded my plane is seen my old school friend I’ve not seen for years. As I ran down the aisle waving and shouting 'Hi Jack', next thing I’m face down being arrested. ___ I couldn't find a parking spot at work today, so I went home. Looked like they already had enough people there. ___ 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 2 hours ago, eddie eastwood said: 😅 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 5 Author Share Posted June 5 A farmer drove to a neighbour's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mum home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to town." "How about your brother, Tommy? Is he here?" "No, he went with Mum and Dad." The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message." "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really need to talk to your Dad, about your brother Tommy getting my daughter Mary pregnant". The boy thought for a moment, then says, "You'll have to talk to my Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bulls and £150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for our Tommy." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 5 Share Posted June 5 2 hours ago, Rondy said: A farmer drove to a neighbour's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mum home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to town." "How about your brother, Tommy? Is he here?" "No, he went with Mum and Dad." The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message." "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really need to talk to your Dad, about your brother Tommy getting my daughter Mary pregnant". The boy thought for a moment, then says, "You'll have to talk to my Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bulls and £150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for our Tommy." 😊 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 6 Author Share Posted June 6 Whilst on manoeuvres, the crew of a naval vessel were getting very bored. The captain decided entertainment was needed. Knowing one of the crew professed to be an amateur magician, he decided to put on a show. During the performance, the ship’s observant parrot gave a running commentary as to how each trick was done, thoroughly unnerving the magician. Rather than give too many secrets away, the magician decided to end his performance prematurely. Reaching into the tails of his coat to ignite the small incendiary smoke screen, he announced, “My next trick will be to make the ship disappear”. Unfortunately, a spark started a fire, which eventually reached the ship’s ammunition, causing the ship to sink. The magician found himself hanging on the end of a piece of floating debris, with the slightly singed parrot on the other. After scanning the horizon for several minutes the parrot said, "OK smart Alec, what have you done with the ship?” 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 3 hours ago, Rondy said: Whilst on manoeuvres, the crew of a naval vessel were getting very bored. The captain decided entertainment was needed. Knowing one of the crew professed to be an amateur magician, he decided to put on a show. During the performance, the ship’s observant parrot gave a running commentary as to how each trick was done, thoroughly unnerving the magician. Rather than give too many secrets away, the magician decided to end his performance prematurely. Reaching into the tails of his coat to ignite the small incendiary smoke screen, he announced, “My next trick will be to make the ship disappear”. Unfortunately, a spark started a fire, which eventually reached the ship’s ammunition, causing the ship to sink. The magician found himself hanging on the end of a piece of floating debris, with the slightly singed parrot on the other. After scanning the horizon for several minutes the parrot said, "OK smart Alec, what have you done with the ship?” 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 35 minutes ago, eddie eastwood said: 😄 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 36 minutes ago, eddie eastwood said: 😊 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 6 Share Posted June 6 36 minutes ago, eddie eastwood said: 🤔 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 7 Author Share Posted June 7 Elton John held an inter-county boxing championship for nurses and found that Surrey seems to be the hardest ward. ___ I watched a documentary about the Normans last night. Amazing that such a large group of people all had the same name. ___ I'm from a small family, the youngest of three. My parents are both older than me. ___ I've just formed a band called "The Coffin Lids".... We cover a lot of the old pop legends.... ___ I stole a boomerang earlier and hid it up my sleeve. The security guard threw me out of the shop 37 times. ___ 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 2 minutes ago, Rondy said: Elton John held an inter-county boxing championship for nurses and found that Surrey seems to be the hardest ward. ___ I watched a documentary about the Normans last night. Amazing that such a large group of people all had the same name. ___ I'm from a small family, the youngest of three. My parents are both older than me. ___ I've just formed a band called "The Coffin Lids".... We cover a lot of the old pop legends.... ___ I stole a boomerang earlier and hid it up my sleeve. The security guard threw me out of the shop 37 times. ___ 😅 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 14 minutes ago, eddie eastwood said: 😊 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 14 minutes ago, eddie eastwood said: 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 7 Share Posted June 7 15 minutes ago, eddie eastwood said: 🤔 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 8 Author Share Posted June 8 About to go on holiday and my neighbour asks me to bring back 800 cigarettes for him. Got back and gave them to him. 'How much do I owe you?' '£600' 'Blimey, that's dear - where did you go?' 'Rhyl." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.