eddie eastwood Posted September 17 Share Posted September 17 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turvey Posted September 17 Share Posted September 17 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 17 Share Posted September 17 12 hours ago, Rondy said: My French neighbour popped his head over my fence this morning - He had an accident whilst cleaning his guillotine! ___ Superman is taking a midnight stroll past a church, when a priest runs down the stairs and says 'Superman can you help me move some old coffins down some stairs?' ' Are you crazy shouts Superman? I can't go near the Crypt tonight' ___ I've just bought some new golfing socks; I gotta take them back - there's a hole in one! ___ One day a famous man went to a nursing home to see all of his friends again and see how there were doing. When he got there EVERYBODY greeted him because of course, everybody knew him. One man he noticed didn't come up to him or say anything to him, so later he walked up to the man and asked him "Do you know who I am?" and the old man replied "No, but you can go to the front desk and they'll tell you." ___ This is something that happened at a care home in Margate. The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area. An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast. When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts. 🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 17 Share Posted September 17 6 hours ago, eddie eastwood said: 😅 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 17 Share Posted September 17 3 hours ago, Turvey said: ☺️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 17 Share Posted September 17 6 hours ago, eddie eastwood said: 😄 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 17 Share Posted September 17 6 hours ago, eddie eastwood said: 😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted September 18 Author Share Posted September 18 LETS LAUGH AWAY OUR STRESS WITH ANTS 1. 5 ants + 5 ants = Tenants 2. To bring an ant from another country into your country = Important 3. Ant that goes to school = Brilliant 4. Ant that is looking for a job = Applicant 5. A spy ant = Informant 6. A very little ant = Infant 7. An ant that uses a gun = Militant 8. An ant that is a specialist = Consultant 9. A proud ant = Arrogant 10. An ant that is cruel and oppressive = Tyrant 11. An ant that is friendly and lovely = Coolant 12. An ant that has changed from evil to good deeds = Repentant 13. An ant that accumulated so much food in summer for use in winter = Abundant 14. An ant that isn’t willing = Reluctant 15. An ant that keeps financial account = Accountant 16. An ant that occupies a flat = Occupant 17. A huge ant = Giant 18. An ant that is important = Significant 19. An ant that has big legs = Elephant 20. A sarcastic ant = Mordant 21. An extremely fast ant = Instant 22. A noisy ant = Rant 23. An ant that doesn't keep moving = Constant 24. A dirty ant = Pollutant 25. An ant that annoys = Irritant 26. An ant that lacks knowledge= Ignorant 27. An ant that can take anything without complaining= Tolerant 28. An ant that wastes resources= Extravagant 29. A very careful ant = Vigilant 30. An ant that maintains good odour = Deodorant 31. An ant that finds it hard to move = adamant 32. An ant that refused to move = Redundant 33. An ant that is into business = Merchant 34. A Political ant = Aspirant 35. An ant that sues someone to court= Complainant 36. A happy ant = Jubilant 37. An ant that is patient - tolerant 38. An ant that does not cooperate - recalcitrant 39. An ant that doesn't agree easily - reluctant 40.An ant that runs away from school unjustified -Truant 41. A place where ANTS eat is also called = RestaurAnt 42. An Ant that causes some body movement ----Stimulant 43. An Ant on Vacation= VacAnt 44. An ant that carry a baby -pregnant 45. Ant that smells good, FRAGRANT 46. An ant who doesn't want to cooperate- HESITANT 47. A Fashionable Ant = ELEGANT 48. A victorious Ant = triumphant 49. An ant that play basketball - DurANT 50. Ants that play like Kevin DeBryne and Bruno = Assistant 51. An ant that finds solution to problems.=..Antidote 52. Ants that hide their Private Parts is called Ladies= Pant 53. Ants that Hate Jesus Christ is called = Anti-Christ 54. An Ant That Depends on Others is called = Dependant 55. Ants that do things to Impress others is called =PLEASANT 56. An ant that shows bad behavior openly is called BLATANT 57. An ant that is everywhere is called =RAMPANT 58. An ant that leads the colony is call = LIEUTENANT 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 3 hours ago, Rondy said: LETS LAUGH AWAY OUR STRESS WITH ANTS 1. 5 ants + 5 ants = Tenants 2. To bring an ant from another country into your country = Important 3. Ant that goes to school = Brilliant 4. Ant that is looking for a job = Applicant 5. A spy ant = Informant 6. A very little ant = Infant 7. An ant that uses a gun = Militant 8. An ant that is a specialist = Consultant 9. A proud ant = Arrogant 10. An ant that is cruel and oppressive = Tyrant 11. An ant that is friendly and lovely = Coolant 12. An ant that has changed from evil to good deeds = Repentant 13. An ant that accumulated so much food in summer for use in winter = Abundant 14. An ant that isn’t willing = Reluctant 15. An ant that keeps financial account = Accountant 16. An ant that occupies a flat = Occupant 17. A huge ant = Giant 18. An ant that is important = Significant 19. An ant that has big legs = Elephant 20. A sarcastic ant = Mordant 21. An extremely fast ant = Instant 22. A noisy ant = Rant 23. An ant that doesn't keep moving = Constant 24. A dirty ant = Pollutant 25. An ant that annoys = Irritant 26. An ant that lacks knowledge= Ignorant 27. An ant that can take anything without complaining= Tolerant 28. An ant that wastes resources= Extravagant 29. A very careful ant = Vigilant 30. An ant that maintains good odour = Deodorant 31. An ant that finds it hard to move = adamant 32. An ant that refused to move = Redundant 33. An ant that is into business = Merchant 34. A Political ant = Aspirant 35. An ant that sues someone to court= Complainant 36. A happy ant = Jubilant 37. An ant that is patient - tolerant 38. An ant that does not cooperate - recalcitrant 39. An ant that doesn't agree easily - reluctant 40.An ant that runs away from school unjustified -Truant 41. A place where ANTS eat is also called = RestaurAnt 42. An Ant that causes some body movement ----Stimulant 43. An Ant on Vacation= VacAnt 44. An ant that carry a baby -pregnant 45. Ant that smells good, FRAGRANT 46. An ant who doesn't want to cooperate- HESITANT 47. A Fashionable Ant = ELEGANT 48. A victorious Ant = triumphant 49. An ant that play basketball - DurANT 50. Ants that play like Kevin DeBryne and Bruno = Assistant 51. An ant that finds solution to problems.=..Antidote 52. Ants that hide their Private Parts is called Ladies= Pant 53. Ants that Hate Jesus Christ is called = Anti-Christ 54. An Ant That Depends on Others is called = Dependant 55. Ants that do things to Impress others is called =PLEASANT 56. An ant that shows bad behavior openly is called BLATANT 57. An ant that is everywhere is called =RAMPANT 58. An ant that leads the colony is call = LIEUTENANT 😄 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted September 18 Author Share Posted September 18 A frantic blonde woman calls out a May day. "Mt pilot has had a heart attack and is dead. I don't know how to fly this thing." She hears a voice on the radio saying: "This is air traffic control, I hear you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. Everything will be fine, what is your height and position?" The blonde says: "I'm 5' 4" and I'm in the front seat." After a long pause: "OK" says the voice on the radio. "Now repeat after me." "Our father who art in heaven............................" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted September 18 Author Share Posted September 18 An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "That's about average up our way, folks...like I said - my boy's a typical Dublin baby boy" Two weeks later the man returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks... so how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds". The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He was 25 pounds the day he was born." The father takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whiskey, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says... "We had him circumcised”….. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 8 hours ago, Rondy said: A frantic blonde woman calls out a May day. "Mt pilot has had a heart attack and is dead. I don't know how to fly this thing." She hears a voice on the radio saying: "This is air traffic control, I hear you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. Everything will be fine, what is your height and position?" The blonde says: "I'm 5' 4" and I'm in the front seat." After a long pause: "OK" says the voice on the radio. "Now repeat after me." "Our father who art in heaven............................" 😅 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 8 hours ago, eddie eastwood said: ☺️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 8 hours ago, eddie eastwood said: 😀 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 8 hours ago, eddie eastwood said: 😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 7 hours ago, Rondy said: An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "That's about average up our way, folks...like I said - my boy's a typical Dublin baby boy" Two weeks later the man returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks... so how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds". The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He was 25 pounds the day he was born." The father takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whiskey, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says... "We had him circumcised”….. 😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like dat cute widdle bwown wabbit over der?" She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thyit." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 1 hour ago, Rondy said: A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like dat cute widdle bwown wabbit over der?" She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thyit." 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 1 minute ago, eddie eastwood said: 😅 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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