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I've decided to release a Christmas single called duvet know it’s Christmas time....
It’s a cover version.


Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the
middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the
Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "No..I'm not going to do that!"

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The company president called the chief security guard into his office.
"Dave, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don't belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop."
Dave looked down at his feet and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I won't' do it again."
The company president said, "I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that."  Dave's face lit up.
"Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting had made the complaint!!!"

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It's Murphy's wedding day and Paddy gets up to make his best man's speech.  "I will keep this short," say Paddy. "I don't want to bore you or say something
wrong, just to say I hope you both enjoy your honeymoon in Wales."
Murphy shouts out: "Were not going to Wales Paddy."
"My mistake." replies Paddy. "I thought you said you were going to Bangor for two weeks solid."

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A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads. 
The doctor rolls up the mans sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty quid please? I'm desperate!" "Aha!" says the doctor. "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

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Pub Landlord: "There's a storm outside. You can't go home in such bad weather -- why not spend the night here?"
Patrick O'Malley: "All right. Just let me go home first and get my pyjamas first."

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An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response.

He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Still, there was no response. Finally, he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"

She replied, "for the third time, yes!"

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My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the vets. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."
Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The pharmacist said, "Well, stay off your bicycle for at least a week."

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