Rondy Posted June 14, 2021 Author Share Posted June 14, 2021 Awful scenes on Rhyl beach yesterday. It was totally disgusting behaviour. A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him one on the head and it all kicked off between them. The police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke but the man actually managed to get the baton off the policeman and started hitting him and the woman with it. Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages as the man shouted 'Thats the way to do it'!.......... 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 14, 2021 Share Posted June 14, 2021 3 hours ago, Rondy said: Awful scenes on Rhyl beach yesterday. It was totally disgusting behaviour. A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him one on the head and it all kicked off between them. The police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke but the man actually managed to get the baton off the policeman and started hitting him and the woman with it. Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages as the man shouted 'Thats the way to do it'!.......... 🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 14, 2021 Author Share Posted June 14, 2021 "You see, doctor, I’m always dizzy for half an hour after I get up in the morning,” said Tracey. "I have the solution for you," replied the doctor. "Really, what is it?" “Well, try getting up half an hour later." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 14, 2021 Author Share Posted June 14, 2021 A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The doctor asks, "So what seems to be the problem?" The woman says, "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason at all. It's starting to scare me." The Doctor tells her, "I think I have just the cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish, and swish, but don't swallow it until he leaves the room or decides to go to bed." Two weeks later, the woman returns, looking fresh and reborn. The woman says, "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started to lose it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?!" The Doctor informs her, "The water itself does nothing. It's having to keep your mouth shut that does the trick." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 14, 2021 Author Share Posted June 14, 2021 So you all think you're hard now because you all jumped me?? I pulled up to MY house got out the car and immediately was attacked. They hit me in my face my arms my neck, I fought as hard as I could but there was just too many of them. Thinking if I can just get in my house I'm going to get them all, swinging all the way to my door I was running hoping I didn't drop my keys. The streets are one thing but attacking me at MY HOUSE, no way! You all gonna die tonight 😠 I get to my house pray for strength and brace myself... Went back outside but this time I was ready, I sprayed them all! Die die die, I was so mad! I ***** hate mosquitos! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty... Posted June 14, 2021 Share Posted June 14, 2021 Spot the male gull....... 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 14, 2021 Share Posted June 14, 2021 1 hour ago, Marty... said: Spot the male gull....... 😃 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexis94040 Posted June 15, 2021 Share Posted June 15, 2021 10 hours ago, Marty... said: Spot the male gull....... Definitely the one on the left...the gulf on the right does not shut the f***k up at all...bla bla bla bla.... 😄😄😄😄😄 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexis94040 Posted June 15, 2021 Share Posted June 15, 2021 Once a very rich 80 years old man went to the doctor trying to solve a big problem wondering him.. Oldman:Good morning ! Doctor: Good morning sir, how can i help you? Oldman: My 25 years old girlfriend is pregnant and she says that the kid is mine. For the only reason that the kid is mine i would like to marry her and pass her all my money!!! Doctor: First of all sir I am going to tell you a story... Once upon a time, a hunter went hunting in the forest...but from his big rush he forgot to take his gun and accidentally took his umbrella ...Suddenly a bear came on from nowhere and rapidly he rised his umbrella and "bang" the bear dropped dead instantly!! Oldman: That's impossible!!!Someone else shot the bear!!!! Doctor: That is what i am trying to tell you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 15, 2021 Author Share Posted June 15, 2021 Paddy walks into a bar in Dublin and is greeted by his friend Sean who asks 'where have you been Paddy, I haven't seen you in months?' 'Well' says Paddy 'I went to England and because I had no money I started breaking into houses and I got caught by the police' 'What happened?' asks Sean. 'I got put into prison for six months' says Paddy 'What are English prisons like?' asks Sean 'No problems, they are just like holiday camps. Sean decides to give it a try and off to England he goes where he started breaking into houses. Eventually he was caught and was taken to court. The judge tells Sean 'You have carried out a despicable crime and you will go to prison for 6 months' 'Thank you' says Sean "Can I have the first 2 weeks in June, 3 weeks in July and a couple of weeks in August." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 15, 2021 Author Share Posted June 15, 2021 The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 Million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted June 15, 2021 Share Posted June 15, 2021 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 15, 2021 Author Share Posted June 15, 2021 The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says, "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this." A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration." The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again." The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!" The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double." To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch." 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TomsFocus Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 16, 2021 Author Share Posted June 16, 2021 A man went for an interview and they asked if he could perform under pressure. He said : "I don't know but I could have a good crack at Bohemium rhapsody." 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 16, 2021 Author Share Posted June 16, 2021 A Missionary in Swaziland is summonsed to the tribal main tent. The Chief says, "Holy man, my wife just gave birth to a white child. Everyone in the village is black, except for you. " The missionary begins to sweat until he notices a herd of goats outside. "Chief, every once in a while, God makes his creation different from the others. Look at the goat outside. All of them are white, except for the one black one." The chief leans into the missionary's ear and whispers, "I'll let you off the hook this time, but you keep quiet about goat, okay?" 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 16, 2021 Author Share Posted June 16, 2021 Mary Jones was debating on the best means of dropping her boy friend. Her friend ask: "Are you worried because you think he'll tell lies about you?" Mary answered: "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth I will break his neck!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 17, 2021 Author Share Posted June 17, 2021 An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you?" Husband: "Darling, you remember that jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said 'Baby it'll be yours one day'?" Wife, with a smile and blushing: "Yeah I remember that my love!" Husband: "Well, I'm sitting in the pub just next to that shop." 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 27 minutes ago, Rondy said: An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you?" Husband: "Darling, you remember that jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said 'Baby it'll be yours one day'?" Wife, with a smile and blushing: "Yeah I remember that my love!" Husband: "Well, I'm sitting in the pub just next to that shop." 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezwez Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 19 hours ago, Rondy said: Mary Jones was debating on the best means of dropping her boy friend. Her friend ask: "Are you worried because you think he'll tell lies about you?" Mary answered: "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth I will break his neck!" 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie eastwood Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turvey Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rondy Posted June 19, 2021 Author Share Posted June 19, 2021 It is just before Scotland v England in the Euro’s Group game. Kane goes into the English changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Scotland. They're *** and we can't be bothered". Kane looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub." So Kane goes out to play Scotland by himself and the rest of the English team go off for a few pints. After a few jars they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the television on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "England 1 - Scotland 0 (Kane 10minutes)". He is beating Scotland all by himself! Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the television on. "Result from the Stadium "England 1 (Kane 10 minutes) - Scotland 1"(Angus McShagnasty 89 minutes)". They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against Scotland!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down." "Don't be daft, you got a draw against Scotland , all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end" "No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wino Posted June 19, 2021 Share Posted June 19, 2021 1 hour ago, Rondy said: It is just before Scotland v England in the Euro’s Group game. Kane goes into the English changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Scotland. They're *** and we can't be bothered". Kane looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub." So Kane goes out to play Scotland by himself and the rest of the English team go off for a few pints. After a few jars they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the television on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "England 1 - Scotland 0 (Kane 10minutes)". He is beating Scotland all by himself! Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the television on. "Result from the Stadium "England 1 (Kane 10 minutes) - Scotland 1"(Angus McShagnasty 89 minutes)". They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against Scotland!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down." "Don't be daft, you got a draw against Scotland , all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end" "No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes" After last night's pathetic performance, I don't care if Kane ever plays for England again and as for the manager, the sooner he goes the better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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