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Rondy
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A Welsh man is walking through a field, when he sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.

The Welsh man shouts:

"Paid a yfed y dwr mae'r gwartheg yn cachu yn y Dwr" (Don't drink the water, it's full of cow poo). The man shouts back "I'm English; Speak English, I don't understand you".

The Welsh man shouts back:

"Use both hands, you'll get more in."

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same lack of response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, a handsome young man, Carlos.

Poor Carlos.

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off,
clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell had come to rest and bent over to pick it up.


Then all the other bells started to ring.... !

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10 minutes ago, Rondy said:

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same lack of response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, a handsome young man, Carlos.

Poor Carlos.

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off,
clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell had come to rest and bent over to pick it up.


Then all the other bells started to ring.... !

😀

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One day, a wife goes up to her husband and asks for twenty pounds to buy meat.
"Are you crazy?" says the husband, who pulls her over to a mirror. "Let me show you something? This twenty pound note is mine. The one in the mirror is yours. Get it?" 
The wife nods. The next day, the husband returns home to find a freezer full of meat. Angry, he asks his wife about it. She pulls him over to the mirror and lifts up her skirt.
"See the one in the mirror? That's yours. This one is the butcher's."

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An old lady dies and arrives in Heaven. St Peter greets her and as he chats to the old lady there is a blood curdling scream heard. "What's that?" The lady asks.
"Oh that's just someone getting holes drilled in their shoulders for new angel wings."
They carry on the induction into Heaven when there is another wild scream. "And what's that then?" she asks.  St Peter replies with: "That's just someone getting holes drilled into their head for their Halo."
"Forget it," the old lady says, "I'm off to Hell."
"But you'll get raped and sodomised there." St Peter tells her.
"That's ok," the lady says. "I've already got holes for that."

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1 hour ago, Rondy said:

An old lady dies and arrives in Heaven. St Peter greets her and as he chats to the old lady there is a blood curdling scream heard. "What's that?" The lady asks.
"Oh that's just someone getting holes drilled in their shoulders for new angel wings."
They carry on the induction into Heaven when there is another wild scream. "And what's that then?" she asks.  St Peter replies with: "That's just someone getting holes drilled into their head for their Halo."
"Forget it," the old lady says, "I'm off to Hell."
"But you'll get raped and sodomised there." St Peter tells her.
"That's ok," the lady says. "I've already got holes for that."

😄

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3 hours ago, Rondy said:

One day, a wife goes up to her husband and asks for twenty pounds to buy meat.
"Are you crazy?" says the husband, who pulls her over to a mirror. "Let me show you something? This twenty pound note is mine. The one in the mirror is yours. Get it?" 
The wife nods. The next day, the husband returns home to find a freezer full of meat. Angry, he asks his wife about it. She pulls him over to the mirror and lifts up her skirt.
"See the one in the mirror? That's yours. This one is the butcher's."

😂

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May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day..........


and may their arms be too short to scratch!!!!!

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A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually.

He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Eventually, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.

The medicine man says, "I can cure this."
With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year.
All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more s*x and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down.

But be warned: It will not rise again for another year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers.
That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave.

He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the "risen" like never before, just as the medicine man promised.

His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say '123' for?"

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1 hour ago, Rondy said:

A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually.

He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Eventually, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.

The medicine man says, "I can cure this."
With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year.
All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more s*x and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down.

But be warned: It will not rise again for another year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers.
That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave.

He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the "risen" like never before, just as the medicine man promised.

His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say '123' for?"

😄

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3 hours ago, Rondy said:

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day..........


and may their arms be too short to scratch!!!!!

🙂

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A man goes to the doctors with an irritation.

The doctor tells him the bad news, "I'm sorry th tell you that you've got a nasty case of Hermies."

"Don't you mean Herpes," asks the man.

"No..." replies the doctor, "You're the carrier."

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1 hour ago, Rondy said:

A man goes to the doctors with an irritation.

The doctor tells him the bad news, "I'm sorry th tell you that you've got a nasty case of Hermies."

"Don't you mean Herpes," asks the man.

"No..." replies the doctor, "You're the carrier."

😄

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Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces.
The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has happened.

First body: "Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress.
Hence the enormous smile, inspector", says the Coroner.

Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent
it all on whisky.
Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one: Big Seamus Quinn
from Derry, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"He thought he was having his photo taken."

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