OK so heres a full list of everything that doesn't work on my peice of shi...um i mean car, at the moment.

Heater blowers - no sound or nothing, AC light comes on but nothing else happens

Electric windows - nothing when pressed

Windscreen washers - nothing when pressed although i can hear the relay clicking

Rear wiper & washer - nothing

Wing mirror controls - nothing

Ice alert on dash constantly, -.- is what the temp guage reads

Bonnet open message on dash constantly.

Oh and it needs a new oil cooler too as there is sludge in the coolant, a split rubber hose at the back of the engine bay (turbo?) and there is a huge cloud of white smoke from exhaust on a cold morning until the engine heats up, some poor old dear had to walk though it this morning, won't have done her lungs any good.

Any ideas? Will one of those code readers help me diagnose what's wrong?. I hate going to a mechanic blind with no idea what's wrong with it.

many thanks in advance.

Have you cgecked the fuses? Also check to see if your earth points are nice and tight. Buy a haynes manual as it will give you very useful info

Check the battery connections as Sal said the fuses and all connectors in pass footwell

Something similar happened in my focus where the mrs accidently kicked the fuse connection under the glove box, simply reconnected it and all was fine

Same, I had no lights on dash, no indicator sound and a host of other strange dealings once and it turned out to be one of the large switches things under the fuse box had come loose.

Sent from my iPhone 5s.

A virtual pint to you all, one of the connector blocks was dangling in the passenger footwear. All working again :) cheers for your help.

Well done fella for fixing it yourself. Now its not a piece of shi! anymore!