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For All The Dad Out There And Mums

Jay T.I.P

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Okay so I don't know who has been through/going through what I'm going through at the minute but my girl has lost out second baby (Misscarrage) and it's something that people think is fine, everytime you lose one you kinda give up hope on been a dad or mum, I know I've gave up and people go on like you can just replace it with another one, just go in the bedroom a few more times and there's another baby but it ain't nothing like that, when you see the scan and the little heart beating on the monitor it really does turn nothing into your baby/child/kid, I know one thing, it hurts like hell and I've never once felt like this in my whole 20 years of been here, first one wasn't so bad as she told me after she lost it (by 4 weeks to protect me as I had court and I was facing 15 years inside) I lost my dad and still didn't feel like this but now I've been through this one with her and I really really don't know what to do, I'm broken cause I've wanted to be a dad for as long as I can remember and it was finally happening, I went to the appointments, The Scans, went with her to pick stuff out for it (didn't buy anything yet) picked a name for it if it was a boy, just stuff like that and now everything gone up s**t's creek, I'm starting to think it's me and now I'm paying for everything wrong I've done in my life, just feel like the worlds crashing down on me and I'm not putting this on here as a sympathy vote so please don't think that and I'm not putting it on for people to tip toe round me saying there sorry and all of this, I was just asking if anyone's going through the same as me and been through the same, I know it's nothing to do with Ford and yes I respect that, if you wanna take it down, please feel free.

P.S I'm 20 and I've lost my second baby, my girl is 30, doctors said everything's fine with her but I'm not conviced.

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firstly dont give up and dont think its happened cos of what you may or may not have done. Things happen somethings that you cant explain no matter what so dont get caught up in this. My cousin was told she had cancer and wont be able to have any kids, now she has 6 girls and 1 boy!

If you feel really bad then there is help out there so go and speak to someone to help you BOTH through this.

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were you and your partner not offered any counselling?

just getting something off your chest can help big time, do not bottle it all up. we are all here to help as much as we can mate.

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Jay, Im sorry to hear of your misfortune, and I suppose the benefit of posting here is that you are anonymous and you can be true to your wanting to not talk to anybody, but you still can and still get the advice.

I think this is as good a forum as any to discuss and help, we are here as a community, and an extended family and we will all help I am sure.

I am fortune, 24 and a father of two, I had all these fears and was fortunate to have no problems, But I do know how you feel to an extent. By the age of 20, I have lost a kidney, an eye, shortly followed by a blood clot, suspected Stroke and and a lot of other problems and I know how you feel that life is against you. I went through a severe depression after all of this and it was so difficult to do, and without the support of my wife, I dont believe I would have coped. I know its not the same situation, and could never measure to the loss of a child, but I hope you take comfort in knowing others around you, those you see you see here day to day has been through a severe depression and made it out the other side, if a wuss like me can be dragged through it, I know that with the support of your close friends, family and people here, we can all help you through. Its always hard to think about the positive in this situation, and there is no doubt about that, but your best focusing on how to proceed.

Your lack of counseling offer is something that you must go and speak to your GP about, advise that you appear to be suffering forms of depression, as to does your partner, and that these are causing you great deal of distress. Any GP worth their doctorate would discuss with you coping options and at a minimum should discuss talking therapies at the very minimum.

Unfortunately some mum's are not meant to carry a particular gender, its a sad fact of life, and I sympathise deeply with you both. Recovering from this is going to take a lot of time, and a lot of togetherness between you and your dear lady and you really need to concentrate on working together, supporting each other and being the best of friends that you were bringing you together. Talk openly, think thoughtfully and focus on what you both need to do to get past this moment.

I am more than happy if you do find any comfort in my story above, if you wanted to talk, drop me a message and I would be happy to try and see if there is anything I can do to help you based on my experience.

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I can't even begin to know how you are both feeling about this, all I know is how I would have felt in your shoes, myself and my ex had a difficult enough time getting pregnant with our three boys, and it seemed that every month was a let down for months on end.

As others have said, you need to be together on this talk to each other laugh with each other and cry with each other if you must, but do it together, she needs your strength as you need hers, and although you may never forget this, together you will get past it and move along with your lives.

Both of you talk to your doctors, and see if there's any help medically that they can give you to help you both become the parents you want to be

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