Not sure where this post will go if anywhere, I'm not looking for sympathy or likes etc just had a couple of gins and wanted to get my thoughts written down.

On Tuesday night/Wednesday morning about 1230 I got a call from the care home that my mum was in. She had been found passed away earlier that evening. 

She went into the home around 3 years ago suffering from dementia/Alzheimer's along with various other conditions. Her condition deteriorated to the point until around 6 months ago where I don't think she actually recognised me when I visited, that was kinda hard to take. 

After moving into the home we had 3 days to get her house, a local housing association property, cleared and cleaned for the next occupant. This resulted in many trips to charity shops and the local amenity site but trying to leave her with enough of her stuff to make her feel as if she was in familiar surroundings.

Fast forward 3 years and I have to clear her room so they can let the next resident in. This time, however, all I had to clear out was 2 black bin bags and a cardboard box. 

Like I said at the start, I'm not sure where I'm going with this but it seems to me that material things don't really matter, it's what you've done, kids you've taken into the world and everything you've done with them and the memories that they'll have that are important. 

Over the years I've heard, and repeated, many expressions regarding death IE There's many a rich dead man in the graveyard. A shroud has no pockets. It doesn't matter how much money you have in the bank, you'll still end up in a six foot hole! All very true.

So basically, enjoy yourself, have fun, make memories and be kind to each other because as they say up here "You're a long time dead"

 

That is a very poignant post, and I know it's  a platitude, but I'm genuine sorry for your loss. It's so true that people get caught up on 'stuff' that they forget to appreciate life. I must confess to getting irritated at some folks post on here concentrating and obsessing on such trivial things, (like the discovery of 2 errant screws found in cabin after a service!).

I guess growing up in Belfast during the troubles that has always given me a perspective on situations, 'well at least no one died'...

Your post has sound advice, and again, sorry for your loss...

Yes, it so much reminded me of when my own mum passed just over 10 years ago. I went through exactly the same process towards the end and it was indeed heartbreaking.

My "like" above of course, was for the poignancy of your post, not the events it described.

 

 

Just going to add a couple of things to finish this off. Again, no-one has to reply, just my thoughts.

Mum's funeral was 3 days before our preplanned trip to Spain to celebrate my 60th. A small private family funeral, just me and my brother and our respective wives and children and 2 of her friends. Me and my brother and 2 each of our children, a son and daughter each, were pallbearers. Followed by a couple of drinks in the local British Legion. The first time all 8 grandchildren were in the same room for about 10 years, ironically in mum's house. We even recreated the photo from the time 😀

 

Anyway, points to ponder for anyone that has got this far and not fallen asleep!  

1. Power Of Attorney. My mum had the foresight to have a POA in place a few years before she started going downhill. There's 2 different POAs, Welfare and Property and Financial. I had POA and it made things in the beginning so much less stressful when dealing with banks and doctors etc. Some places insisted on seeing the POA, understandable I suppose, which delayed things a bit but I dread to think about how much longer things could have taken if it hadn't been in place. 

2. Funeral Plan. Mum also had the foresight to pay for her funeral nearly 20 years ago! Plot was bought and paid for, coffin was chosen, all we had to do was choose the date and time and the colour of the cords on the side of the coffin. Just a headstone to choose and pay for.

3. A Will. Again, her will was in place quite a few years ago, not that there was any property or a lot of financial stuff to sort out but there are a few things she wanted returning to other family members. Her headstone is to be paid for before distribution of remaining funds.

 

So, just a few boxes in the attic to take down, sort out and distribute to various family members. One last account is in the process of being closed down and funds transferred over to me, we'll get the headstone arranged and I can get the financial side sorted and closed up.

My mum and dad divorced years ago and he died a few years ago after remarrying so I suppose some of the above points could be deemed less important if she had still been married but in her/our case all the above made our lives just a wee bit easier and less stressful than it could have been. 

I now just need to heed my own advice and start getting all the above in place after appreciating how much time and effort it saves the family at pretty stressful times. 

Sorry for your loss. Glad tings were put in place to make it les stressful at this time.

Kev