Relationships - Marriage - A Rushed Marriage

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided he wanted to

marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about

each other."

He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go

along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a

honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning they were laying by the pool, when he got up off of

his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a

half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in

jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water

like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and

lay down on the towel.

She said," That was incredible!"

He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told

you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."

So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After

about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel

hardly out of breath.

He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance

swimmer?"

"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides

of the canal."

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel

in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse

stumbled. The farmer said, "That's once."

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer said, "That's twice."

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The

farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out

a shotgun and shot the horse.

His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him,

"That was an awful thing to do."

The farmer said, "That's once."

Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Office Desk...

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

"This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."

"Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"

"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

"I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

"I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."

"Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

"The coffee machine is broken..."

"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

PMSL. Another great set of jokes.