Even Honda drivers hate vauxhall

My neighbours don't lol.

They have a Jazz and an Insignia. :P

every driver hates vauxhall lol even vauxhall drivers hate vauxhall lol if i remember i got this from a vauxhall corsa forum that my mate (which has a Corsa) gave it to me years ago

i found this in my old files form years ago in my pc jokes :P

Q: What goes on pages 4-5 of the Corsa user's manual?
A: The train & bus schedule

Q: How do you upgrade a Corsa?
A: Put in an engine.

A man goes to a parts garage:
Man: "Can I have a windshield wiper for a Corsa please?"
Parts man: "Yeah, that seems like a fair swap."

Q: What is the sport-version of Corsa?
A: The driver wears Nike shoes.

Q: What do you call a Corsa at the top of a hill?
A: A miracle.

Q: What do you call two Corsas at the top of a hill?
A: A mirage.

Q: What do you call a Corsa with dual exhausts?
A: A wheelbarrow

Q: How do you double the value of a Corsa?
A: Put in half a tank of petrol!

Q: What do you have to do if your Corsa gets in the way of a swarm of killer bees?
A: Stop pushing and take refuge into the car.

Q: Why do Corsas have heated rear windows?

A: To keep your hands warm when you're pushing them.

Q: What to you call a Corsa with brakes?
A: Customized.

Q: What is the Corsa owner's most ardent wish?
A: To buy a car.

Q: What do you call a Corsa with a seat belt?
A: A rucksack.

Q: What do you call a Corsa with a flat tire?
A: A write off.

Q: How do you make a Corsa go faster uphill?
A: Throw out the passenger.

Q: How do you make a Corsa go faster downhill?
A: Turn off the engine.

Those are great James :). My favourite is probably:

A man goes to a parts garage:

Man: "Can I have a windshield wiper for a Corsa please?"
Parts man: "Yeah, that seems like a fair swap."

All owners clubs hate the griffin. I have a mate with an Audi and it's just same comment on there saxperience is same too.

Like all the jokes nath some are recycled skoda and Lada ones but all are true haha.

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I love how you double the value of a corsa couldn't agree more lol

Check out the colour match on the drivers door guys!!

I think it spruces it up

Saw a damaged Black Vauxhall Corsa on the back of a low loader this morning. Cheered my day up anyway.

Chuffing c***a nearly wiped me out on m621 today she was on exit slip in a queue I'm in lane one 50mph she decides it's a good idea to pull out as i get to about 20 feet from her no indication nothing don't think she even saw my flashing lights and blaring horn or my two fingered salute.

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Corsa has a blind spot, everywhere but the vanity mirror....

Chuffing c***a nearly wiped me out on m621 today she was on exit slip in a queue I'm in lane one 50mph she decides it's a good idea to pull out as i get to about 20 feet from her no indication nothing don't think she even saw my flashing lights and blaring horn or my two fingered salute.

Sounds like a typical Corsa driver, and that's the kind of thing that makes you appreciate how good the brakes on the ST are :). I'm always nervous of driving fast past slow moving cars, there's always some idiot like that ready to take you out.

Did you see top gear on sunday? I'm intrigued to know how the ST brakes compare to the three cars they tested!

I didn't even know the new series had started lol, apparently there are 2 episodes so I'd better get on iPlayer.

And they are using a chuffing A***a for their star in an affordable car! Why can't they use cars that normal people drive? Do you think V*****l paid them to use a car that will usually end up in the faecal position?

Must be punishment for the Argie number plate. They've been very, very naughty boys so they're punishment is....an A**a

Yeah I think they got that Astra last season, so hopefully will replace it next year. I know they seem to have a rule that the "reasonably priced car" has to be a normal boring car, but it would be awesome if they got a Fiesta ST, I mean there isn't a more reasonably priced car around at the moment :)

Aye me too!

This thread reminded me at what I saw at Morrisons at the weekend.

There was an old, clapped out, faded red Astra. It had two stickers on the back saying "Eat, Sleep, Astra"

I thought it was hilarious. Should've taken a picture!

Eat +sleep = never again if you own an astra...

Eat and sleep that's what they do not the owner they drink fuel and breakdown (sleep)

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At least 4 of us have the right idea :,)

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I'm just imagining that astra being cut in half by the lamp post.... I'm feeling warm and fuzzy inside... As for the owners, I wonder how many are driven to a point of wanting to drink lots of petrol and eat flamin-uon or just lit matches!

Haha another in the feacial position. Hit a lamp post and landed...

Now that's what I call Someone getting lamped!

Haha, and it still looks better and performs better that way too!