Have a laugh

[eddie eastwood]

[eddie eastwood]

[eddie eastwood]

Nope! I am not here. 🙂

[eddie eastwood]

[eddie eastwood]

[eddie eastwood]

[dezwez]

[dezwez]

[dezwez]

[dezwez]

[dezwez]

[dezwez]

[dezwez]

[dezwez]

[dezwez]

[dezwez]

[Raistlin]

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He

stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely

drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so

he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way

up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear

end.

That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty

pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken

glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he

didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing,

he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure

enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired

the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to

bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting,

and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good

story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you

go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered

last night. Where the heck did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this

morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

[Raistlin]

Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so

long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married

and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So,

he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the

plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas.

As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and

exclaims, "Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead

Elvis! How have you been?" Father looks at her and says, "Get outta me

face. Can't you see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing like Elvis."

The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab and

he's a little upset so he tells the cabby, "Take me to my hotel and

step on it." The cabby turns and says, "Sure thing sir - Oh my God!

It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I'm your number one fan! It's so

great to see you!" "Shut up, you imbecile. I'm not Elvis! Now turn

around and drive!"

So, the cabby speeds up to the hotel. Father O'Malley gets his things

and walks up to the hotel check-in counter. "Oh my God! Oh my God!

It's you!" screams the hotel clerk. "You're back Elvis! I knew this

day would happen. We saved everything just the way you like it! Free

cheeseburgers, peanut butter and banana fried sandwiches, masseurs,

complementary hookers and a full liquor bar! I'm so glad you're back!"

Father O'Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says, "Thank you... Thank

you very much!"

 

 

[Raistlin]

Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

[Raistlin]

Why don't witches wear panties ?

So they can get a better grip on the broom.

[Raistlin]

If god had wanted us to run around naked, we would have been born that way.

[Raistlin]

The son of God goes into a hotel lobby and throws 3 nails on the desk.

The manager says "What are these for? "

to which he replied "Can you put me up for the night"

[Raistlin]

The benefits of having Alzheimer's:

You can wrap your own presents.

You are always meeting new friends.

[Raistlin]

A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway.

He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats.

The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic.

This results in one of the worst pile-ups in history.

When questioned by police why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers"

[Raistlin]

Two cowboys are out rounding up cattle when all of a sudden a heifer

takes off and goes wild, the heifer runs into a fence and get's her head

stuck.

The two cowboys get over to the fence and the one says to the

other: "This is too good to pass up," gets off his horse, unzips his pants and

starts ***** this heifer for at least ten minutes.

When he finally finished he looked up to his partner and asked him if he wants

some of it.

His partner replied "hell yes that looks pretty good", climbs

down off his horse drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.