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Rondy
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Summer school holidays were over and young Jack returned to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that Jack was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," mother said. "I had Jack with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."

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I got my wife a metal detector as a present, but she didn't like it.
Strange, as she always likes to dig up things from the past.

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It has been estimated that over 70% of women have used vibrators,
The other 30% buy new ones.

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Mick and paddy start a removal business, paddy is struggling up the road with a wardrobe on his back a friend asks "Where’s mick I thought he was helping you?" Paddy replies "He is he’s in the wardrobe holding the clothes up!"

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Paddy just landed a new job fitting mirrors on bedroom wardrobes and bathrooms. On reflection It's just something he could see himself doing!

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My mate asked me 'How much does your wife spend on a bottle of wine?'
I said about 20 minutes!

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"I have travelled just about all over the world."
"Wow, you must know geography well?"
"Oh yes, I spent 2 months there once."

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I saw a council worker tread on a snail. I asked him why he did that.
He said it had been following him round all morning.

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KISS unplugged.

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My wife and l decided we would never go to bed annoyed at each other.
We've been sitting up since Tuesday.

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Just went into the shop and said "Can I pay by card? He said "No problem, what card do you have?"
I said "The six of spades.."

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“Hello, police department? I’ve lost my cat and… "

“I'm sorry lady, but this is not a police job, you can try calling…"

“But you don’t understand, this is a very intelligent cat. He is almost human. He can practically talk.”

“Well, in that case ma'am, you’d better hang up. He may be trying to call you right now.”

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